Time

I find myself in a Pink Floyd mood today and that these lyrics seem to sum up my feelings right now:

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

I had a physical yesterday. My first in years. I knew the doctor would focus on my weight. I mean, how can you not? I'm morbidly obese. He even wrote it on the slip I took with me to the diagnostic office where I had my blood drawn.

My mood yesterday was horrible as a result of the appointment. And I let the doctor's comments about my weight (he commented on my "thunder thighs" when he said I "carry a lot of weight in my thighs") and longevity (probably won't live much past 60) get to me.

My mood did not improve, and what was supposed to be a fun night with friends turned into me overreacting to a series of jokes. I haven't expressed anger like that in a long time, but it had been building all day.

Time's running out for me.