My dad called me tonight. I'd been trying to get a hold of him since I heard from my sister. I didn't call him on Father's Day. I'm frustrated with him right now because he's not taking his health seriously again. More on that later.
I talked to him, at length, about my sister. He says that he's weak and that when she starts in with her sob stories, he can't help but want to help her. I tried to remind him how much of a hard-ass my mother was and tried to ask him to be like that with her. I told her that when she starts in on it, he has to remind her that he's not a bank and that she needs to take responsibility for her own money issues. He still thinks he can't do it. He'd rather not take any calls from her because if she starts asking for money, he's going to give in.
My suggestion was not to give her any money, but instead to just offer her a plane ticket to Connecticut. That's the only thing he should offer. Nothing else, period.
He's been analyzing a lot of the past with her and is kicking himself for not intervening sooner. I remind him that thinking about what he could've done won't help this situation at all and that all we can do, as a family, is try to point her in the right direction. Part of that, from my perspective, involves forcing her to grow up and take responsibility for her own actions and choices. She takes after my dad, and I found out just how much when I asked my dad about why he canceled his appointment.
He was supposed to go in for another stress test. He had a stent inserted a few months ago on an artery that was 95% blocked. With another one blocked at 65%, doctors decided they'd wait and see how it did. Well, they want him in for this stress test, and he initially agreed. But then he started to think about whether or not he'd be able to perform on the treadmill and he thinks he won't be able to. This is a man that, 10 years ago, was out working his butt off in the woods, strong and vital, but now has gained so much weight and become so lazy that he has no energy for anything but watching daytime TV, drinking coffee, and smoking.
Even after all of this, he hadn't told me why he canceled the appointment, so I asked. His answer really surprised and annoyed me. He said it was because the doctor hadn't called him back to reschedule. As I listened to him pass the buck to his doctor who probably has other patients who give enough of a damn about their own life to be proactive I couldn't help but think that this is exactly what my sister's doing; she's passing her financial well-being off to other members in her family, rather than taking charge of her own life for herself. I confronted him about this and pointed out that he wasn't taking responsibility for this himself. I told him that it sounded like he just wasn't ready to take this seriously, and he pretty much agreed. He doesn't see it as something of a priority right now.
I'm just fed up with watching this. He's going to kill himself. And there's nothing I can really do to stop him. I told him that I'm concerned about him so much, but I just don't have the energy to try to convince him to take this seriously, nor should I have to do that. He has to want it, and it's clear to me he doesn't. Just like how my sister seems to not want to be self-reliant and self-sufficient.
In my own life, I know I've got my own issues, but I hope that others around me can see that I lay the blame and responsibility for my issues with me and not with others. I'm making progress, by myself. My family and friends aren't responsible for my life, nor would I ever try to make them be.
Labels: Family
