Futility

My dad called me tonight. I'd been trying to get a hold of him since I heard from my sister. I didn't call him on Father's Day. I'm frustrated with him right now because he's not taking his health seriously again. More on that later.

I talked to him, at length, about my sister. He says that he's weak and that when she starts in with her sob stories, he can't help but want to help her. I tried to remind him how much of a hard-ass my mother was and tried to ask him to be like that with her. I told her that when she starts in on it, he has to remind her that he's not a bank and that she needs to take responsibility for her own money issues. He still thinks he can't do it. He'd rather not take any calls from her because if she starts asking for money, he's going to give in.

My suggestion was not to give her any money, but instead to just offer her a plane ticket to Connecticut. That's the only thing he should offer. Nothing else, period.

He's been analyzing a lot of the past with her and is kicking himself for not intervening sooner. I remind him that thinking about what he could've done won't help this situation at all and that all we can do, as a family, is try to point her in the right direction. Part of that, from my perspective, involves forcing her to grow up and take responsibility for her own actions and choices. She takes after my dad, and I found out just how much when I asked my dad about why he canceled his appointment.

He was supposed to go in for another stress test. He had a stent inserted a few months ago on an artery that was 95% blocked. With another one blocked at 65%, doctors decided they'd wait and see how it did. Well, they want him in for this stress test, and he initially agreed. But then he started to think about whether or not he'd be able to perform on the treadmill and he thinks he won't be able to. This is a man that, 10 years ago, was out working his butt off in the woods, strong and vital, but now has gained so much weight and become so lazy that he has no energy for anything but watching daytime TV, drinking coffee, and smoking.

Even after all of this, he hadn't told me why he canceled the appointment, so I asked. His answer really surprised and annoyed me. He said it was because the doctor hadn't called him back to reschedule. As I listened to him pass the buck to his doctor who probably has other patients who give enough of a damn about their own life to be proactive I couldn't help but think that this is exactly what my sister's doing; she's passing her financial well-being off to other members in her family, rather than taking charge of her own life for herself. I confronted him about this and pointed out that he wasn't taking responsibility for this himself. I told him that it sounded like he just wasn't ready to take this seriously, and he pretty much agreed. He doesn't see it as something of a priority right now.

I'm just fed up with watching this. He's going to kill himself. And there's nothing I can really do to stop him. I told him that I'm concerned about him so much, but I just don't have the energy to try to convince him to take this seriously, nor should I have to do that. He has to want it, and it's clear to me he doesn't. Just like how my sister seems to not want to be self-reliant and self-sufficient.

In my own life, I know I've got my own issues, but I hope that others around me can see that I lay the blame and responsibility for my issues with me and not with others. I'm making progress, by myself. My family and friends aren't responsible for my life, nor would I ever try to make them be.

Huzzah?

I've been hired with the new company. I'm relieved and excited.

My trip to see my sister yesterday went well. I got to see my nephew whom I haven't seen in over two years. He's big and cute. I had a mini come-to-Jesus meeting with my sister. It probably won't change much, though, but I can hope.

I'm now a Sr. Tech Support Engineer at SonicWALL.

Episode 10,544

Family: Sister wants money. Wants it via Western Union. With a $20 fee for that, I instead offered to personally deliver it today, since she says it's for a prescription for my nephew. She responds by telling me she doesn't want me to go to all the effort to take it to her, but that she really needs it badly for him. I'm waiting to hear back about whether or not I have 250 miles of driving in store for this evening.

Update (16:39 PDT): I'm off to Kelso.

Update (23:00 PDT): I'm back home, safely.

Work: Tomorrow I'll find out if I still have a job.

[Profound subject]

Well, things with my dad are improving. He took his family's advice and he's going in today for an angiogram. I know he's scared shitless, but this is the right thing for him to do. We're all just glad he's doing it.

A big sigh of relief here, from me.

What else is going on? Well, it was my girlfriend's birthday on Thursday. Yep, girlfriend. Woah. And the weather today was damn nice - so I was on the bike. Woo!

UPDATE (3/6/07 11:03): Just moments after I posted this, I got an email from my aunt about my dad. He had a stint inserted. They found a valve on the right that was clogged 95%. On the left, he has a valve clogged at 65%. They're just going to watch that one and then keep him overnight. He'll be able to leave tomorrow unless they change their minds.

Kinfolk and a little update

I got an email today from my aunt. They're bringing me into a family situation occurring in Connecticut that they are having trouble resolving. It's about my dad.

My dad's 55, smokes at least a pack or two a day, drinks coffee like it's going out of style, has gained a lot of weight in the past 5 years, and basically seems to have no direction or goal in life other than to sit on his butt watching daytime TV. He maintains an odd sleep schedule and is now retired (on disability). It's interesting for me to see how he's changed since he moved to Connecticut almost 10 years ago. He moved after my parents divorced. Both my mom and my dad have since remarried. And here's another tidbit about my dad - he's very religious and he's bipolar with a touch of schizophrenia (both are managed through medication).

With all of the factors listed above, you might be able to understand why my dad's health is in decline. Granted, I'm no spring chicken myself, but out of the behaviors listed above, weight is the only one that is my major concern as I don't smoke, I'm not bipolar/schizophrenic, and I'm still an active 28-year-old male.

I talked to my stepmom today about the situation. She said that she and my aunt were going to force my dad into the hospital for an examination. He's been having chest pains for the past couple of years and we all know his heart is really starting to go. While my aunt and stepmom were visiting family in Florida, my dad got up the nerve to call a doctor. He and my stepmom went to the doctor after she returned and he apparently didn't do so well on an EKG.

He also didn't do well on a stress test and the doctor was surprised he was even still alive. The doctor referred him to an emergency room to start an angiogram. Three hours in the emergency room and he signed a release form because he said he needed a cigarette. The angiogram was never done and he never rescheduled.

My stepmom is incredibly worried about him as is the rest of the family. So I called him today to talk about this. This is the first time I've had to be on this side of the conversation with him. He immediately started lying.

"Oh, it's no big deal." "It's under control." "All I need to do is quit smoking."

I called him on his bullshit and let him know he sounded like my sister. I know he knew he was caught.

I know he's afraid. He's coming face to face with his own mortality and how choices in his life have caught up with him. He's also afraid of the prospect of going in for a bypass surgery. He cited the example of a family friend who died in surgery a few years ago. I reminded him that they may not need to do a bypass. They could just end up performing an angioplasty (PTCA), leaving him with a stent to open up his blood vessels.

I reminded him several times that the alternative is much worse. Will he take heed? I hope so. But I told him I will be calling him next week to see what he's done. I hope he does what's right, but he's going to have to overcome his fear to do that.

In other news, my life is going well. I'm seeing a great girl who schooled me on some of the terminology used in this particular post (she's a nurse) and I'm optimistic about the future. So with the stressful comes the joyful. Such is life.

What. A. Year.

Well, folks, this has been quite the year. Let's take a little trip down memory lane...

January: Celebrated 6 years with my then girlfriend in Victoria. Watched her leave for India for 6 weeks before I left for India, myself. Started building a friendship with someone who was, at that point, only an acquaintance.

February: Left for India at the beginning of the month for four weeks in Bangalore for work.

March: Returned from India to a life that had changed a bit. Started socializing more with friends. Had a very fun and interesting welcome back party. Continued building friendship with the person who used to be an acquaintance.

April: Ended my six year relationship with my girlfriend. Road trip to Vegas with a friend, and on the return, San Francisco. Start friendships with several people and become part of a new circle of friends.

May: Started seeing someone I knew in high school. This did not last for long (see below).

June: The fit hits the shan and thus begins the worst summer of my life.

July: Yup, the fit's still in the shan and summer still sucks, but I took a motorcycle training course and I bought a motorcycle. Woo!!!!

August: The fit's no longer on the shan. I take a deep breath and life starts to simmer down. I turn 28. I take another road trip with a different friend - this time to LA to see the Price is Right, and through the Bay area. One of the best road trips ever! I got to go to Disneyland!!!! For the first time!!!!!

September: A minor crisis averted. And a long motorcycle trip around the Olympics.

October: Nothing much to report here. Did go to Oregon Trail Rally near Tillamook, Oregon.

November: Nothing much to report here. Did go to the Seattle International Autoshow.

December: Wild West Rally at the beginning of the month. Then, a trip to Connecticut to see my grandmother, whose health had been progressively getting worse. Then back home for a week, and then back to Connecticut for her funeral. Happy Holidays, yo!

A very eventful year. Ups and downs. But through it all, my friends have been there and I end the year with more friends than when I started. I love my friends. Being 3000 miles away from my real family, my friends ARE my family.

Grama Case

Obituary

I leave for another trip to Connecticut tomorrow morning. This time it's for my grandmother's wake and funeral. She was a great woman.

Thanks to all of my friends who have been so supportive throughout the last couple of weeks. Now I really know I won't forget 2006. So much has happened this year. I just hope 2007 is a better year.

Going back to CT

My grandmother died today. I'm going back to CT for the wake and funeral as soon as I find out the dates for them.

Oh yeah, today really is a shitty day. There was a huge windstorm in Seattle last night - no power at my house right now. This means I get to stay in a hotel tonight because I have to have Internet access for work. I'm on-call. Fucking great.

Casedom

About my trip to Connecticut...

The flights from SeaTac were completely uneventful. Thanks to a generous helping of frequent flyer miles I was able to score first class tickets this go-around. I feel pretty lucky to get this and the customer service rep at Northwest was incredibly helpful in helping me out with this. It was a redeye out of Seattle at 12:50am and I got into BDL at 11:15am. My dad met me there and after a longish walk to the car, we were on our way (he parked at the wrong terminal - doh!).

Seeing my grandmother for the first time in 6 months was great, but she's in really sad shape. She's on oxygen, has pneumonia, and has fluid in her lungs that she's having a hard time clearing out. My Aunt Sally and Uncle Fred spend all of their spare time with her and really have busted their butts to try to make sure she's comfortable and is going to somehow beat this. But seeing her like that was so incredibly tough. This is a woman who stands not much over 5 feet tall who takes shit from nobody. If ever there was someone who was full of piss 'n' vinegar, it'd be her. She's one hell of a woman.

Every time I visit with the family I learn something new about it. This is the trouble with having grown up 3000 miles away from the core family. I just didn't have the exposure to them over the years. Let's see what I learned...

• Case Avenue in Winsted, CT, is not named for my family. There's apparently another Case family in Winsted and there's no relation. My family is based in Colebrook.
  
• My grandmother is an institution in Colebrook. In the wintertime, she bakes and gives food to the guys who plow the roads by her house. They gave her a cute card with all of them holding out their stomachs with some cheesy poem about how they'd miss her cooking this winter.
  
• Apparently there is such a thing as "Case temper." My cousin Mitchell and I talked about this. Cases are usually very happy-go-lucky, but once the fuse is lit, get away. Our temper is not a pleasant one. Anybody who knows me well might have seen it at some point. If you have, sorry.
  
• I learned more about how my Great Uncle Paul lived in his final days, and how everybody else in the family took so much care of him. He had his last cigarette the day before he died of lung cancer. He was a cool guy.
  

I'm sure there are more little tidbits I'm forgetting, but those are the ones that stick out.

Friday was a rough day. Grandma was incredibly frail and weak in the morning. She was having a really hard time breathing. Things were looking really bleak, and she was given a dose of morphine. By 6pm, she was up and talking again and was doing a lot better. But things were rough and I must've been on the verge of balling my eyes out at least 3 or 4 times. My poor cousin Mitch spends all of his spare time with her. I've got so much fucking respect for him after seeing how much time he spends with her and how much he loves her. It makes my 4 days here seem insignificant.

Mitch is 4 years younger than me and he reminded me of one of his earlier memories of my visits out to Connecticut. I exposed that poor boy to 2 Live Crew. He was 9. I was 12 or 13. Talk about corrupting the youth. The thing he didn't know was that his father caught me exposing him to it and luckily I didn't get the shit beat out of me. And my parents never said a word to me about it. I don't get it. And Mitch said that we looked at a Penthouse, but I don't remember that. He joked that he didn't know what the hell he was looking at at the time (in reference to female anatomy). Ah, good times.

Mitch and his wife, Renee, have been very warm and welcoming. Had drinks with them Friday and Saturday night at their apartment and watched Garden State and bunch of TV with them. Mitch and I talked about how there is such a thing as a Connecticut accent, and we compared notes on pronunciation of common words. Considering Renee's a speech and language pathologist, this was even more interesting. This trip has been great considering all of the time I've spent with my family.

But, my grandma. It's anybody's guess when she's going to go. Yesterday we thought was it, but by the evening she was better. And today she was weak in the morning but by 8pm she was up and talking again. And with the steady stream of visitors today, how could she not be. These past four days I've seen so many people that remember me when I was "this high." Do I remember them? Not so much, but the family here is so well known it's amazing to me. This is something I don't have in Seattle, and it's very appealing. I got to see my aunt Barb (removed via divorce) for the first time in 10 years today. Of course she gave me shit for not calling her, but I got to see her for a little while.

So that's Connecticut. It's yet another family reunion of sorts. It's emotional because of my grandma's situation, but she might pull through enough to at least go home. My mom's an RN and worked in nursing homes, so I've been exposed to it before. It's just tough to see someone as vital as my grandma in the same sort of place. It hurts.

Sunday's events with her were pretty good. I got to spend a couple hours with her alone and she filled me in on some of the events in the family. I was hoping to ask some more historical questions but most of what's on her mind is stuff that's happening right now to certain people in the family. She's holding on to what she's got so she can see this family stuff through.

Today was better for her. She actually managed to have more than just a smoothie, and had a bit of a turkey grinder my Aunt Sally brought me. Yum yum yum. I'm going to miss grinders, but I think there's a place in Seattle I can go to get them.

Overall, this was a really good trip. I bonded with more of my family (particularly my cousin Mitch and his wife) and really got to see my grandma more than ever. I'd like to try to go back twice a year, if possible. We'll see how that works out.

So, I'm back. And happy for it. I missed all of my friends.

Seat 01-A

I'm off to Connecticut tonight, folks. My grandma's been in declining health and the family's not sure when she'll be better. So I'm heading out tonight for a short trip to see her, my dad, and other relatives. It's been a few months since I was back there (May) and I hope to get to spend a lot of time with her.

I'll be back late Sunday night. I'm still available via cell phone while I'm gone. Enjoy!

A little something about my family....

So the wedding isn't for another 90 minutes or so, but it would seem there's a bunch of drama going on with the family here. Plenty of crap happening and I wish I could make it better for the one full day I'm here. But I can't, and they're so far removed from my life that what happens here doesn't really affect me. It seems like it's just a collection of stories that serve to give me more reason not to relocate out here. Ugh...

But out of this comes a very interesting article from the Litchfield County Times monthly magazine about the town where most of my dad's side of the family lives and some great words about my late grandfather, Ed Case:

Warm Welcome in Colebrook

ORD

This weekend is a cousin's wedding in Connecticut so I'm on my way back. Looks like my flight to Hartford is a bit delayed so here I am sitting at Chicago O'Hare airport waiting. Only another 3 hours or so. Gonn have to find a power outlet soon.

Plenty of interesting things are happening in my life right now, but I won't divulge as I really don't wish to jinx my recent good fortune. I'm getting happier, socializing more, and getting past the crap of the breakup. Soon I'll start looking for a new place to live as it looks like I won't be getting a roommate at my current house.

All in all, it would seem some good news might be coming my way soon.

How appropriate....

Update (23:50 UTC 4 March 2006): I'm at MSP airport now and my uncle has apologized for sending this out. He's a good man, and I appreciated his apology as I know he'd do anything for anybody, if he could.

So I get this "the US shouldn't be in the UN because a bunch of countries hate us" email from my uncle. I'm at Amsterdam airport right now, and seeing this email forced me to respond. First, the email, then my reply.

On 4 Mar 2006, at 3:22 AM, Bernie's uncle wrote:

President Bush wonders why everyone is against United Arab Em. taking over our ports.

Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2006 10:26 PM
Subject: Fw: Attention Everyone

This oughta upset everybody:

How they vote in the United Nations:

Below are the actual voting records of various Arabic/Islamic States which are recorded in both the US State Department and United Nations records:

Kuwait votes against the United States 67% of the time

Qatar votes against the United States 67% of the time

Morocco votes against the United States 70% of the time

United Arab Emirates votes against the U. S. 70% of the time.

Jordan votes against the United States 71% of the time.

Tunisia votes against the United States 71% of the time.

Saudi Arabia votes against the United States 73% of the time.

Yemen votes against the United States 74% of the time.

Algeria votes against the United States 74% of the time.

Oman votes against the United States 74% of the time.

Sudan votes against the United States 75% of the time.

Pakistan votes against the United States 75% of the time.

Libya votes against the United States 76% of the time.

Egypt votes against the United States 79% of the time.

Lebanon votes against the United States 80% of the time.

India votes against the United States 81% of the time.

Syria votes against the United States 84% of the time.

Mauritania votes against the United States 87% of the time.

U S Foreign Aid to those that hate us:

Egypt, for example, after voting 79% of the time against the United States, still receives $2 billion annually in US Foreign Aid.

Jordan votes 71% against the United States and receives $192,814,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.

Pakistan votes 75% against the United States

Receives $6,721,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.

India votes 81% against the United States; receives $143,699,000 annually.

Perhaps it is time to get out of the UN and give the tax savings back to the American workers who are having to skimp and sacrifice to pay the taxes (and gasoline).

Pass this along to every taxpaying citizen you know. And send to your congressman, who should be disgraced but couldn't care less.

Disgusting, isn't it?

======

My reply:

Sitting in Amsterdam airport, waiting for my flight back to the U.S. after a month-long trip to India, I can say that we've got a lot better than they do. While our gas prices are around $2/gal, theirs are near $5/gal. And when you consider the disparity between the average income of an American and an Indian, you'll understand how much it hurts them more than it does us. We've got it good.

Americans like to talk about their "hard-earned dollars." Until we've seen someone breaking rocks with other rocks with their hands in order to lay a rockbed for a new highway, or someone breaking tiles with a small hammer in order to prepare for a new floor to be laid at the airport, we should just keep quiet.

Just go to a 3rd world country sometime. When you see old women, limbless people, and starving children begging for money, you might get why it's a good thing that our government gives this Aid.

By the way, India contributed aid after Katrina, so it's not like we're alone in this world. There are countries that DO care about us. And we should care about them, too. (http://in.rediff.com/news/2005/sep/08aid.htm)

Thanks,
Bernie

NJ and CT

I guess I really only write JEs when I go on trips now. Hrm.

I'm in Somerset, NJ until Friday for training on a new product my company will be selling sometime in late January. After the training, I'll be taking a train up to CT to visit my Dad and family until Tuesday when I fly back home. Needless to say - it's December, and it's cold as usual, a lot colder than I'm used to.

What is there to say about NJ? Well, the NJ scowl I've noticed in previous visits still exists. It took a little work but we finally got our waitress to smile tonight. Ahh, the sports bar at the Holiday Inn. What good times it is to narrate all of the interesting people there - the spikey-haired sales guy who displaced the college age guy to hit on a large chested woman. The thin, balding guy, in a black top sitting alone at a table, with a glass of wine, stealing glances at the pretty brunette across the room. The young girl who looks like she's not old enough to drink who comes in and sits next to some guy who's reading a book at the bar. We named her volleyball girl. Oh, good times.

Training so far is going well. I think the product has potential, but there are a lot of rough edges that MUST be smoothed out in order to really make me feel more comfortable about supporting it. I'll be going back to Seattle to train my group on this.

I called my dad today. I told him where the train was dropping me off and his response was, "Couldn't you take a bus that takes you all the way here?" I hate the bus. A 30 mile trip to pick me up isn't that hard. Even if it is at midnight.

Anyway, this is the most I've written here in months. We'll see if there's more to write soon, but today was a pretty decent day.

Sick as a dog...

So I spent X-mas down at my mom's house, where she said a bug of some sort had been going around. I either caught that bug, or got food poisoning yesterday because at 2:30am last night I was emptying the contents of my stomach thru my mouth. I've never been quite so sick. And, only about an hour ago did I try eating any food, in particular a piece of bread. It's now 11:07pm here, and I feel a little better, but I imagine I'll spend the day tomorrow recovering. Food I won't be eating any time soon: Lasagna, and cheeseburgers. Ugh.

Breakin' the law... breakin' the law... (and gettin' caught)

I turned 25 on the 13th. I don't feel much different now, although now I know what getting pulled over on the freeway feels like.

78mph in a 60mph zone, or that's what the trooper said. And, I was on my way to my mother's wedding (there's no way I could make that up in a pinch). Fine: $153. After running a quote on Progressive.com, it looks like my insurance might not go up - I fall into the 19mph and under category for speeding. I'd imagine 20mph and over might make insurance worse. Who knows.

I guess I've gotten to used to speeding for the past couple of weeks. I'm bummed I got caught, but it just goes to show why Washington drivers don't go much over the speed limit, at least on the freeways. I've never seen more state patrol cars than on I-5 between Seattle and Olympia. I think I counted 8 total on Saturday the 16th. Tricky fuckers.

My radar detector caught the cop, but he was quicker than me - by the time the detector squawked, he was already moving out of the median turnaround.

Oh well. Had to happen to me sooner or later. :-)

Saturday (the big trip) approaches...

This Saturday, Nicole and I will be setting out from Seattle on a cross-country road trip to Torrington, Connecticut, to visit my dad and all the rest of the family out there. I'm a Washingtonian, through and through, as I was born and raised here. Still, because my sister and nephew are flying out there, I wanted to be there at the same time she and the boy is. Since my parents were divorced six years ago, I haven't seen my dad nearly enough.

I'm getting pretty nervous at the thought of driving 3000+ miles (each way) in my aging 1995 VW Jetta (it'll turn 104,000 miles by Saturday). I've recently had a fuel filter replaced, and just had the tires rotated and oil changed today (changed the oil myself, even). Even still, this should be a trip to remember.

My parents moved out west from Connecticut in 1977, after getting married, to escape their overbearing parents. They settled in a small town in North-Central Washington called Twisp and by the end of their first day in town, my dad had a job with a logging crew. I was born in August of the following year. My parents briefly moved back to Connecticut for about eight months before relocating once again to Southwest Washington, were I spent my youth and adolescence. Eastern America seems so alien to me sometimes, especially coming from the "left coast."

Our planned route is to go through Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania and New York before finally entering Connecticut. On the way back, the route will look similar, but we're planning to go through South Dakota so we can see Mt. Rushmore (and maybe even stop in Sturgis for the rally). I'm really looking forward to getting to Chicago, as I really want to take a look at the Chicagolands from the top of the Sears Tower. I imagine on the way we'll probably make some slight detours for sightseeing, but that's what I'm hoping for.

Once on the east coast, Nicole wants to see the sun rise over the atlantic. So we'll be making a trip to Massachusetts for that. I don't think we'll have time to go to NYC, unfortunately. Another time.

We've given ourselves about 2 1/2 weeks for this trip. It's going to be grueling, but I hope it'll be a great experience, hopefully somewhere along the lines of our Vegas trip in July 2001.

Cellphone coverage between Billings and Fargo is pretty non-existent as far as I can tell, so unless we happen to find some WiFi or Internet cafes, I don't think you'll be hearing to much from me. I do plan on writing about the trip and posting it to my journal when I can.

I welcome any suggestions on things/places to see, so long as they're along/near I-74, I-84, I-90, or I-94. I think that's all of the major ones :-)

The ass is still working...

Almost two weeks after I posted about starting at the gym, and I'm still going. I've gone about nine or ten times since I last posted, and my body's loving me for it. My clothes aren't, as they're smelly and sweaty, but that's the price you have to pay.

So far I'm liking it. I do hate getting all sweaty, though, but my arms feel tighter after working some of the weight machines there. I spent a few sessions on the exercise bikes, and then moved to treadmills, and then today I tried the cross trainer. Yowch. That thing really gets your heart going, and your muscles burning. On the treadmill, I'd keep my heart rate at 160-165. On the crosstrainer, the lowest I could keep it was 176. I'm going to have to take it easy on that thing.

My sister had her baby, and I'm now the proud uncle of a little baby boy named Raven Michael. He's a cutie. I haven't seen him in person yet, but I will when I go down to Longview for Christmas with the family.

It's been busy here, which explains for the lack of any postings in the journal. You know I'm busy if I'm not wasting time pontificating about crap that most people don't care about.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. Time to go sweep the driveway of needles and tree debris and then take a shower. Happy Holidays!