Aluminum Overcast

There have been some significant changes in my life in the past week. While some of the stress in my life has not gone away and will not for a while, there is some that has. One change has been a little tough to deal with, but life goes on. I have hope that good things will come out of it.

Today I went to see Aluminum Overcast at the Boeing Museum of Flight. I waited for what seemed like forever to get onto the plane for a tour. But it was worth it. What wasn't worth it was that I couldn't squeeze my fat ass through a narrow space in the bomb bay. So I had to exit the plane, holding other people up. I still enjoyed the visit, and got plenty of pictures. Check them out here.

Tomorrow I plan on a ride out to Ellensburg, WA. I'm going to make a lunch stop at the Yellow Church Cafe and then ride the Canyon Road between Ellensburg and Yakima twice (first south, then north).

Time

I find myself in a Pink Floyd mood today and that these lyrics seem to sum up my feelings right now:

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

I had a physical yesterday. My first in years. I knew the doctor would focus on my weight. I mean, how can you not? I'm morbidly obese. He even wrote it on the slip I took with me to the diagnostic office where I had my blood drawn.

My mood yesterday was horrible as a result of the appointment. And I let the doctor's comments about my weight (he commented on my "thunder thighs" when he said I "carry a lot of weight in my thighs") and longevity (probably won't live much past 60) get to me.

My mood did not improve, and what was supposed to be a fun night with friends turned into me overreacting to a series of jokes. I haven't expressed anger like that in a long time, but it had been building all day.

Time's running out for me.

Wednesday insight.

A friend gave me a great insight today into why I have so many friends who are girls:

"It's because you're fat. You're not a sex symbol to all of them."

Then she called me handsome. (Handsome is not one of my favorite compliments, but I will take it, nonetheless.)

I should've figured all of this out sooner, but it makes sense to me now. I guess if I were gay, things might be the same way too.

I think I'm OK with this. We all know I'd be beating the swarms of ladies off of me with a stick if I were thinner. Ha!

:-)

Stare, gawk, laugh.

Being an American isn't just enough.

Being fat isn't just enough.

It's when you're on your way towards your ride back to the hotel when you slip off the curb, trip, and land on your hands and knees in the process, in front of the people on MG Road in Bangalore. That's just good entertainment, folks.

I was quite the show today. Even before the tripping incident on MG Road (in front of the Spencer's Super (formerly Food World)), I had plenty of people staring, gawking, and laughing at just me. I'm a freak here, I know. It's fun at first, but like Japan, it gets old after a while. I had to, somewhat angrily, turn down the group of guys at the botanical gardens that wanted to take a picture with me. Argh.

The whole day out and about started with me needing to find a battery charger for my NiMH AA batteries. I brought a 240v-110v converter so that I'd be able to use my Energizer compact charger. So I plugged it in, and about 5 minutes later, pop and a poof of smoke comes from the charger. Not gonna mess with that pile anymore. The new charger supports 110-240v 50/60Hz so I'm set now. And I'll be able to buy the right type of plug when I get back to the states (or just use a converter).

And there was light...

It's so nice to finally see spring here in Seattle. What's not nice is that I have to be in bed by 9pm so I can wake up at 4am for work at 5am. Yeah, that sucks, especially with the long days we have this time of year.

I've been working on catching up on some video encoding I've been doing - taking every episode of the Simpsons Futurama and encoding them in 3ivx format for my own personal use. I also finally had decent enough weather yesterday to get out and mow the lawn. And, I spent some time yesterday finding a replacement light bulb for the HVAC controls on the Bernenwagen. Cracking open the center dash is interesting, but I didn't break anything. That's a first!

Speaking of lightbulbs, I had to get one for our fridge, as its bulb had burned out.

I have a doctor's appointment today at 3:15pm. I'm not looking forward to telling the doctor that I didn't get the prescription he wrote for me because my insurance won't cover the drug. I don't have $160 for prescriptions every month or two weeks or whatever. So, I have to go get myself weighed today. Eeesh. My weight seems to stay constant, at right around 380. At least it's constant. The last thing I need to do is gain more weight.

I've been watching Manor House a.k.a. Edwardian Country House. I just love how we Americans can import a show from the UK intact, yet change the name to some Americanized oversimplification, a la Junkyard Wars (Scrapheap Challenge). In any case, Manor house reminds me a lot of 1900 House. I wonder, why do I have to watch the British take these trips back in time? Isn't there anything like that here in the U.S.? Do we have enough of a past to really know what life was like 100+ years ago? Did we have the same sort of class structures that early 20th century Britain did?

And finally, a question I submitted to the P-I's Getting There column got published on Monday.

Intolerance

There are some times when I just want to pound intolerant little punks into the ground for making fun of my size/weight/girth/whatever.

But then I realize - tolerance isn't a value that's practiced by teenagers, and I really shouldn't think about beating them up.

I've never been in a fight, and I really don't plan on getting myself into one anytime soon. Sometimes it just feels good to vent.

My fat ass is in good health...

So, today I had a follow up appointment with my doctor regarding a physical and some blood work I had done last week. Good news, all around. My cholesterol is 190, which is great. The target range is 0-194. Last time I had bloodwork done, my cholesterol was up around 230. Blood pressure normal, as well. I guess Dr. Atkins was right when he said that cholesterol actually goes down when on Atkins.

My doctor recommended getting some ketosis sticks so I'll know when I'm in ketosis, and I plan on doing that soon. He also said to keep up the exercise, which I'm going to *try* to do. But, so far, I'm one happy camper.

As far as my weight, it's still horrible - 380lbs. Before taking my weight last week, my last official weight (taken about two years ago) was also 380. I know that between those two weighings I gained and lost weight. It shows in my face. I'm hoping that it'll start showing in my pants, as well. Time will tell.

Next appt. - 23 April.

Bernie fall down, go boom.

Today was a very interesting day. At approximately 2:30am this morning, Asha, our older girl cat was up to no good, trying to peer out the blinds in our room. This usually wakes me up, and today was no exception. I managed to scare her away, and then proceeded to get up and go to the bathroom. In the bathroom, taking a leak, my heart started pounding really really hard. I was dead tired, but I just remember my heart pounding away in my chest, like I'd just run a mile in 5 minutes (This is impossible for me, and my heart would probably explode. But, I digress...). The next thing I know, I'm laying in the tub, head against the wall, ass in the tub, and legs hanging out towards the toilet. I'd apparently blacked out, and fallen straight backwards. Nicole's over me yelling, "Oh my God, Bernie... Oh my God!" And I said something to Nicole like, "I'm just laying down..." and, "I'm really tired..." Really, I was. I probably would have just slept in the tub for a couple hours. Sad thing is, once I went back to bed, I couldn't sleep. Neither could Nicole.

Long story short, I'm going in for a physical on March 18th. I hope this isn't a sign of diabetes. Needless to say, I did a little extra working out at the gym tonight. No more slacking off from Atkins, either. Time to buckle down and start burning some fat away. Bye bye sugar. I'll miss you :-(

The ass is still working...

Almost two weeks after I posted about starting at the gym, and I'm still going. I've gone about nine or ten times since I last posted, and my body's loving me for it. My clothes aren't, as they're smelly and sweaty, but that's the price you have to pay.

So far I'm liking it. I do hate getting all sweaty, though, but my arms feel tighter after working some of the weight machines there. I spent a few sessions on the exercise bikes, and then moved to treadmills, and then today I tried the cross trainer. Yowch. That thing really gets your heart going, and your muscles burning. On the treadmill, I'd keep my heart rate at 160-165. On the crosstrainer, the lowest I could keep it was 176. I'm going to have to take it easy on that thing.

My sister had her baby, and I'm now the proud uncle of a little baby boy named Raven Michael. He's a cutie. I haven't seen him in person yet, but I will when I go down to Longview for Christmas with the family.

It's been busy here, which explains for the lack of any postings in the journal. You know I'm busy if I'm not wasting time pontificating about crap that most people don't care about.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. Time to go sweep the driveway of needles and tree debris and then take a shower. Happy Holidays!

Work that ass.

Since August, I've been on the Atkins Diet. Oh, sorry - the Atkins Nutritional Approach. Well, I'm still on it, and my pants certainly fit better than they look like they did in this picture. People have also told me my face doesn't look as fat. That's a good sign - how about my ass not looking as fat?

Well, I've started doing something about it. I went and did 35 minutes on a bike last night at the gym that's in front of my house. I'm going to *try* to stick with it. The last time I tried, I lost interest after about a month. I've got a little bit more encouragement now, in the form of Nicole. She'll keep me in line ;-)

The real trick for me is not to go whole hog and then burn myself out. Moderation is the key. I only did the bike last night because I haven't done anything else in a while, and I need to start somewhere. Nicole says I need to get on the cross trainer, and I will when I'm ready. I'll be happy with the bike right now. At least the gym has TVs all over the place ;-)